On the integration of the shadow

Carl Gustav Jung, one of the greatest psychologists and thinkers of the 20th century, introduced the concept of the shadow into psychology—a part of our psyche that has been repressed into the unconscious, hidden beyond our conscious mind’s reach. These are aspects of ourselves that—due to trauma, neglect, lack of proper support, upbringing, or social conditioning—have been pushed deep into our psyche and remain there.

But just because they're inaccessible to us doesn’t mean they don’t influence our lives. Quite the opposite—they often exert a very powerful influence. As Jung said: “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”

What does this actually mean? It means that unless we look into our unconscious—into what we’ve hidden from ourselves—those repressed parts will govern us covertly. They will dictate our choices, fears, reactions, and life patterns. And we’ll wonder:– “Why do I always attract the same kinds of people?”– “Why do I keep self-sabotaging?”– “Why am I always afraid or running away?”

But just because it is called the shadow, does that mean it’s something bad? Not necessarily. The shadow contains not only our “dark” sides—aggression, anger, shame, jealousy, or desire—but also everything that was suppressed because it didn’t fit the image of a “well-behaved child,” a “good boy,” a “nice girl,” or a “cultured person.” In the shadow we may also find our wildness, sexuality, power, creative energy, need for freedom, and even the capacity for love or for setting boundaries.

In today’s text, I want to explain what the shadow really is, why it’s worth touching at all, and what can happen when we stop fearing it and start working with it. Because although confronting the shadow can be uncomfortable, that’s often exactly where the key to our authenticity, power, and freedom is hidden.

Working with the shadow

I’ve been working with my shadow for many years, and from my own experience, I know that it’s not an easy path. Working with the shadow leads us into the darkest corners of the psyche—places we’d often prefer never to see. That’s where the multi-layered pain of childhood abandonment, deep hatred towards ourselves and others, blocked sexual energy, immense anger, and entire reserves of shame are hidden. The shame we carry stems from a lifetime of trying to be someone other than who we truly are.

The shadow is repressed potential—who we were before the world told us we were “too much,” “not right,” or “not allowed.” What is alive, wild, and real in us was rejected by parents, guardians, school, society, and religion. That’s why the shadow concerns every one of us. The world we live in is largely built on repression—on relationships formed by people disconnected from their personal truth.

Confronting the shadow requires courage, but also proper support. It’s best to go through this process with a therapist or coach who truly knows what they’re doing—someone who has walked this path themselves and knows what it means to dive into the cesspit of one’s psyche and emerge stronger, more authentic.

Don't be fooled by self-help fairy tales on Instagram promising “quick fixes,” magical thinking, and life transformations in just one week. That’s an illusion. Real transformation doesn’t happen over a weekend. It’s a process that requires time, bravery, and deep immersion in what’s painful. As I mentioned, working with the shadow is confrontation with what has been pushed into the unconscious. When a wave of emotion hits you, you need someone who really knows what they’re doing—someone who won’t judge you, fear your rage, pain, or shame, and won’t let you get lost in it.

Confronting the shadow is one of the most crucial processes on the path of personal growth. It allows us to integrate the repressed aspects of our psyche into a fuller, richer self-awareness. Each of those “dark” elements—anger, shame, grief, rejection—can be transformed into strength, power, creativity, and authenticity. What used to be a source of pain can become our greatest potential—if only we dare to look.

An example from my life

For a certain period, I lived in celibacy and completely suppressed my sexual energy. I thought it was a spiritual choice, but in truth, I had cut off an important part of myself. After some time, I started encountering people who embodied what I had repressed within myself—sexuality in its extreme, distorted form. I remember relaxing in a park when a man approached me and directly offered sex, even trying to show me his genitals. It wasn’t a one‑off incident—there were a few similar situations.

This is a classic example of shadow dynamics. Everything we repress often comes back to us in an exaggerated, even demonic way. The shadow may appear in dreams as hell scenes, satanic figures, violence, or other symbolism our ego doesn’t want to see. Then we project those repressed aspects onto reality: if we suppress anger, we attract aggressive people; if we repress sexuality, we attract perversion. 

Shadow integration means reclaiming that energy—not to get lost in it, but to use it consciously in a beneficial way. As Farida Sorana from the blog Ciemna Noc (Dark Night) wrote: “You’ll become what you don’t want to be—but in a positive way.” Once I began confronting my “inner pervert”—the suppressed sexual energy—such situations stopped happening. Today, I can express my sexuality freely and proudly, without shame, without fear, without projection.

Is every shadow ‘bad’?

The purpose of our existence is the integration of repressed, dark aspects of our psyche—because those aspects make us human. We're not here to become detached “angels of light” from Instagram, living off the illusion of peace & love, nor cold psychopaths disconnected from emotion and morality. Our calling is wholeness—being integrated beings who bring both light and dark. A person who’s integrated is someone who uses their power without destroying themselves or others.

Because an unintegrated shadow always shows up—one way or another.

• Unintegrated anger wounds, breaks families, and destroys relationships.Integrated anger sets boundaries, protects, and nurtures safety and well‑being.

• Self‑hate and hatred toward the world, if repressed, lead to depression, self‑destruction, and in extreme cases, serious mental illness. Integrated hatred becomes a gateway to self‑knowledge and self‑love. But you have to go through it—feel it fully, without avoiding it. Because that hatred is often rooted in something innocent: the heart of a hurt child who was wounded and rejected. Only by loving that child in their pain can we truly love ourselves.

• Unintegrated shame leads to depression, self‑rejection, and social isolation.Fully felt and integrated shame gives us the strength to stand in our own truth and the courage to be authentic and vulnerable in the world. Shame cuts us off from our bodies, so breaking through it can be a gateway to embodied sexuality and creativity.

True self‑love isn’t about affirmations or positive thinking. It’s about sitting with yourself in the greatest abyss, in the deepest pain—and saying to yourself:"Even here, I am with you. I love you." That is the alchemy of the soul. It is what leads us to spiritual wholeness.

In the shadow lies our light, creativity, power, and truth—it’s who we really are. It’s paradoxical, but that’s how reality is built: to find yourself, you must go deeper. You have to enter the cave—the one you fear most. At its bottom waits the real you—covered in dirt, pain, shame, and fear. That “trash” you encounter there can become the fuel for living in power and truth—if you choose to integrate rather than reject it.

I wish you courage and success in integrating your inner power.This isn’t an easy path—but it’s the only one that leads to true freedom.