Where is our Self?

Our life is everything that happens within it: laughter and tears, beginnings and endings, rain and snow, summer and winter, sunny days and endless nights. It is all the stories of our life and the world, all possible cultures and their expressions, mountain peaks, cities, rivers, lakes — everything that lives and is part of this planet. The whole melting pot in which we also swirl — often without purpose and without faith in ourselves, in depression, grief, constant racing thoughts, and anxiety.

Why is this so? And how can we help ourselves to become a more conscious part of this reality?

The well-known spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle wrote something in one of his books that deeply stuck with me. Paraphrasing his words: our original “schizophrenia” (split) lies in thinking that we have life instead of realizing that we are life. We tend to think of ourselves as an individual thrown into the abyss of the world — that we have a body, a mind, interests, positives and negatives, and... life. But have you ever wondered who exactly is this “someone” who has life when it consists of so many different, often tangled parts?

You can ask yourself: am I my name? After all, a name can be changed, but does who you are really change then? Am I my thoughts? Thoughts constantly change in your mind, rushing by; sometimes they are silly, sometimes wise. There are pauses of silence between them. Does who you are disappear when your thoughts vanish? Is what you think the essence of your being?

Also, consider your body: it is constantly changing. In extreme cases, one can lose entire limbs, while hair and nails keep growing back. Is that really you? We tend to believe that our “self” is located somewhere inside the brain. But is that really so? Can you point with your finger to the main “I” that you are? Scientists have not yet proven the existence of any part of the brain responsible for consciousness as such, or for this internal construct called the “self.”

If you forgot who you are, stopped thinking, closed your eyes, and felt your body “from the outside” — where would your “I” be then?

If you find it difficult to answer this question, maybe it’s really worth pausing and reflecting: who are you, if you cannot clearly point to this “I”?

When we begin to consider this more deeply, a great discomfort arises — especially in our thoughts and body. We are not used to asking ourselves such radical questions, even though they should seem the most important. Our ego — the collection of our experiences, traumas, unprocessed emotions, patterns, everything we think about ourselves, and how we present ourselves to the world — in other words, our identity — begins to attack this simple question: 

Who am I?

The inscription “Know thyself” stood at the entrance to the Delphic Oracle, which was cleverly referenced by the Wachowski sisters in the cult Matrix series by placing this phrase above the entrance to the Oracle’s kitchen — a confrontation Neo himself must face.

The purpose of my coaching work and these texts is to help answer this question for myself and support my clients in confronting this mystery as well.